by Megha Rao

i know the rumours about that boy and me, she says.
when his mouth wasn’t praying
it was all over me.
on monday i tell my professor
that boy touched me
and he spits, i know girls like you
you hate men so much you’ll say anything to get them in trouble
you’ll even say they raped you
‘cock tease. jail bait. feminist.’
and i whimper, you’re wrong
he did touch me and he
asks, where
and i tell him
asks, how?
and i tell him
and he licks his lips and
plunges his hand under my skirt
and says, ‘let’s do the two finger test’
and i run from the office room
'liar liar pants on fire
take them off before your
legs catch fire…’
and the next day i hear him joke about my other classmate
'she wears mulla flowers in her hair and braids it with coconut oil you wouldn’t tell she wears enamor double padded bras underneath her jaded clothes’
and he winks at me and i feel so sick i skip lunch that day because i want his head on a plate.
on wednesday
two boys slide up to me in history of english class and one of them pats my thigh and
the other one says
'you’re an ambitious bitch, which lecturer did you sleep with to get good grades?’ and i suddenly remember this story
my mother told about our neighbour rati
who ate her son because
she was ashamed of giving birth to him
so she cooked him for supper
when her husband was out
with his mistress
and when he came back she told him, 'i’d like it if you brought
something to the table
apart from your lewd comments’
and they never found him again
i hope he got what he deserved;
and they say there are only two ways to burn,
one in bed
and one in hell.
and there’s this man hovering outside the college gate just as i leave and when he sees me
his jaw is on the floor
and i can clean the ground with it and
i can smell from under his fingernails all the women he’s touched and he tells me 'i’d leave my wife for pussy like you’
we have barbecue that night and i don’t tell my mother how hungry i am
but i want to roast his balls and feed them to my dog.
the next day we have a debate on open defacation and on our way back home there’s a man pretending to piss near the wall but he’s actually just standing there and jerking off to us and he’s hissing at us
'harami,’ he says and pulls his zipper up and i try to tell my friend it’s not our fault that he wants us
but she goes back home shaken and her mother says, 'it’s that girl you hang out with, she needs to stop wearing skinny jeans’
and the week is almost over and it’s friday night and
i’m sitting inside my room
doing my homework
when my brother walks in and asks me to come for dinner
i don’t have an appetite for any more bullshit
but i get up anyway and he looks at me
and all he says is, 'is that a new shirt? you look good in it’
and i watch him suspiciously as he makes his way towards the dining room
and i wonder what he means by that
and then i realize he was just being nice
and i feel a little guilty
and by the time he comes back to call me for dinner again
it doesn’t matter anymore,
i’m on the floor
like spilt milk
and
i’m crying.